Impossible Fool
by nekoanimegirl114
Summary: SONGFIC! Renji believes what's between him and his lover is real but reality strikes and leaves him hurt. He finds comfort in a friend. WARNING! Character death, Yaoi, Angst!


**(This is a songfic story. This chapter's song is "Impossible" by Shontelle. Very dark and angsty. Anyways, it is currently ByaxRen but there is an additional pairing later… I've wanted to write this one for a while because I believe songs tell better stories than I do.)**

**Impossible**

_I remember years ago  
Someone told me I should take  
Caution when it comes to love  
I did, I did_

"Renji, come."

He followed his captain too eagerly as they left the office and went to the private captain's quarters. The lights were off and the door locked with a click. Byakuya pulled at his hair, wrenching his lover's head back and looking into his eyes with disdain. The redhead's knees buckled to reduce the pressure as his hair was pulled downward. Byakuya glared at the younger male for whimpering at the discomfort and said youth flinched away.

Suddenly he found himself on the floor with pale hands wrapped about his neck. "What have I told you about running away?"

"I-I'm sorry."

"Apologies are pathetic. I have a better use for your mouth than that." He rolled onto his back and laid waiting. With shaky hands, Renji undid the tie at the other's waist. He gently removed his and his captain's clothing and folded them as he'd been made to learn. Then bending between milky pale thighs, he took the elder's length completely into his mouth. This was another skill he'd been made to perfect. He knew the tricks that would please his lover and soon had him breathing hard.

Again his hair was tugged at and he was flipped onto his stomach, his hips lifted. A rough hand slid around to his own neglected member and it came to life in the other man's hand. He was so lost in the pleasure that he didn't realize the pressure behind him until he was roughly and dryly entered. Renji bit down on his arm to keep in the scream and waited until the pain had passed to let go. The man above him thrust deeply and swiftly, and in moments, the two were a sticky mass on the bed.

"I love you, Byakuya." He said breathlessly.

The noble didn't answer, only kissed him atop the head and pulled up the covers.__

And you were strong and I was not  
My illusion, my mistake  
I was careless, I forgot  
I did  


"Renji, wake up."

The redhead opened his bleary eyes and looked around the dark room. No light was coming from the window so he guessed that it was still early. "What time is it?"

"Three in the morning." The younger man groaned and rolled over, snuggling the sheets. "Absolutely not. Go home and shower, you smell disgusting."

"Can't I shower here? Then I could get some more sleep." He jumped as spiritual pressure rose to the point where he could barely stand.

"Do not argue. Leave."

"Alright." Renji picked up his clothes and dressed. As he left the room he turned to see Byakuya strip the sheets and throw them away. With sadness in his aching heart, he left.  
_  
And now when all is done  
There is nothing to say  
You have gone and so effortlessly  
You have won  
You can go ahead tell them_

Renji stood watch at the Kuchiki gardens; nobility filled the very air around him. He had been forced to stand guard as the rich ate, drank and laughed. His own stomach rumbled as he hadn't been able to eat since breakfast. As the sun disappeared, he spotted his captain a few feet away and waved the man over. Several people laughed as the noble rolled his eyes and walked over to him.

"What?"

"I was wondering if you could maybe get me some food since I can't leave my post. I'm starving."

"Renji, do you know what the duty of a guard is at one of these-"

"Shindigs."

"Gatherings. And the guards duty is to be all but invisible. Silent, motionless, calm." With that he turned and left the redhead staring after him.

As the party died down, Renji was standing near the exit when he picked up a conversation on the other side.

"Really, did you see that mongrel? Waving you down like a flag."

"Yes," came Byakuya's voice. "Well they don't teach manners in the Rukongai."

"I would assume so. Poor thing, growing up with nothing then fighting to make something of himself, I almost feel sorry for him."

"Perhaps, but that may be your love for dogs."

"Oh come now, are you telling me you don't pity him?"

"I could care less."

Renji fought back the tears and flashed away. He ran through the streets until he reached his apartment and locked himself inside. With his back against the door, he cried into unconsciousness.  
_  
Tell them all I know now  
Shout it from the roof tops  
Write it on the sky line  
All we had is gone now_

Renji awoke comfortably tucked into his bed, sunlight streaming in through the window. A moist cloth sat on his forehead and another weight settled next to him. He sat up and looked at the peaceful sleeping face of his sempai, Hisagi Shuuhei. The elder lieutenant slept with his head on Renji's bed, his body leaned in an uncomfortable position from a chair he'd set there.

As the redhead moved, he failed at not waking the sleeper and tired brown eyes gazed at him with a soft expression. "Glad to see you up and moving," he mumbled.

"Huh?" Renji tried to think back to the previous night but could only recall his lover's cruel words and returning home.

"I saw you running and crying last night. When I caught up to you, you were already inside. I knocked and waited but you didn't respond. Thought you mighta been hurt so I snuck in through the window. You were out like a light! After dragging your heavy ass to bed, I collapsed here."

"You callin' me fat, asshole?" He laughed as he spoke and rubbed his friend's stiff neck.

"So what happened, man? One day your chipper than a bird and the next, you look like a teenage girl who got dumped."

"You could say that."

Shuuhei read his expression and sat down on the bed. "Oh, sorry about that. I didn't know-"

"It's fine… Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"If I need a new position, in a different squad, which one should I go to?"

"Do I wanna know why?" Renji shook his head. "Okay, well tell me. How would you mind practically running a squad for a sick friend who misses a lot of captain duties?"

The redhead smiled big and laughed. "Now that sounds like my cup of tea."  
_  
Tell them I was happy  
And my heart is broken  
All my scars are open  
Tell them what I hoped would be  
Impossible, impossible  
Impossible, impossible_

Shuuhei stood outside of the 13th squad office, his eyes closed against the afternoon sun. He waited patiently as Renji talked with Captain Ukitake just inside. The white-haired captain had been all too eager to interview the redhead for the position. The sounds of laughter came from the room, playing like music on the breeze.

Renji stepped out of the office with his new lieutenant's badge in hand. _'Well that was easier than I thought it would be.'_ He walked over to where he'd left his companion and gasped lightly at the sight of him. Golden sun illuminated his tanned skin, his exposed muscles glinting softly. His raven hair stood in contrast to the sun and the light smile made his lips fuller. _'Damn. I didn't even realize he could be so… sexy… No, get that thought out of your head. He's just a friend and you just broke up…'_ That thought reminded him that the noble didn't know their relationship was over. The prospect of telling him was a sobering thought.

Shuuhei peeked open his eyes to catch Renji staring at him. When his gaze was turned, the older man stood up straight and yawned loudly. He stretched out his limbs and almost laughed as he caught Renji staring again. "So I guess I don't have to ask how it went," he said, indicating the badge. "Congratulations."

"Thanks. Still, it feels weird."

"Well I think some sake will wash away those insecurities, ne?"

"Yeah! Let's party until we can't stand." Arms over each other's shoulder they walked down to the nearest bar.__

Falling out of love is hard  
Falling for betrayal is worst  
Broken trust and broken hearts  
I know, I know

"If there is one thing, I've learned in the last two days, it's that everything comes to an end. Things are going great and all, and then, he insults you. Like, he could have ripped out my heart and shredded it with Senbonzakura, and it wouldn't have hurt as bad."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. So this person you've been talking about all night is your captain?"

"Was my captain. Biggest screw-up, ever!"

"So he insulted you? That's it?"

"Naw man. He'd beat me too. If I did something wrong he'd either hit me, choke me, or once he kicked me in the side."

"Why the hell did you stay with him?"

Renji sighed and downed another shot. "Cause I was crazy about him… But you know? He never once said I love you in return. I thought it was that he couldn't show emotion or he felt guilty about loving again after his wife… I just was blind."

"You were used…" He looked at the dismay on his companion's face and hooked his finger under Renji's chin. The brown eyes looked scared, like a child ready to bolt. "You need to get over him. Find someone new…" Their breathing increased as the meaning behind the words came forth. Suddenly, Shuuhei felt guilty for trying to take advantage of his friend's confused state. He dropped his hand and turned back to the bar, the moment they shared now gone.__

Thinking all you need is there  
Building faith on love and words  
Empty promises will wear  
I know, I know

Renji walked with a severely drunk Shuuhei on his back. The dark-haired man giggled the entire way and lay there playing with the redhead's loose hair. He ran his fingers along the red locks occasionally murmuring comments on how hair like that could rival a girl's.

"Man, come on. Can't you walk? You said it was hard dragging me to bed? HA! It's harder hauling your heavy ass home."

The other man giggled again, his hands now braiding the red mane. "But I like this. I don't feel up to walking. Besides," he said with a huff. "This way I can hold you."

The redhead blushed as the hands moved from his hair and strong arms wrapped around his shoulders. Hot breath tickled the back of his neck and he stopped walking. "Hey, stop that tickles!" His words were lost on the man who fell asleep, apparently enjoying the ride too much. Still, Renji had to walk the rest of the way with the presence of that teasing breath.__

And now when all is gone  
There is nothing to say  
And if you're done with embarrassing me  
On your own you can go ahead tell them

He set down his sleeping companion, the journey home all the harder with his own intoxication. The man he laid on the couch shifted and groaned. Renji couldn't help but too stare at him again. Long eyelashes bid him a closer look. The jagged lines of scar tissue that ran down the elder man's face gave him a stern look that was at contrast with his boyish sleeping face.

The redhead followed the scars down past his jaw to his exposed neck, covered only by the choker he always wore. Eyes traveled further, admiring the partially exposed chest and firm, muscular arms. He stopped himself there and went to look back at the sleeping face, only to find open eyes catching his gaze. Blood flowed to the tanned cheeks and Renji stood to turn away. His arm was caught at the elbow by the other and when he looked back, the normally calm brown eyes were pleading, _'Don't run.'_

His heart beat at an impossible pace as he was slowly pulled onto the couch. Shuuhei shifted to accommodate both of them on the sofa and he wrapped his arms around a shaking Renji.

"I c-can't. I just… with Bya-" He was stopped with a finger to his lips.

"Shh, it's alright." He kissed the younger man on the forehead and embraced him warmly, his head resting on a tattooed chest.__

Tell them all I know now  
Shout it from the roof tops  
Write it on the sky line  
All we had is gone now

Shuuhei was the first to wake this time, his body stiff from sleeping on the couch. At some point in the night, his friend must've fallen off of the small couch because he lay curled on the floor. Now it was his turn to admire the peaceful face of the man he'd spent the last two nights with.

He got up and padded over to the kitchen in search of food. He searched every cabinet, closet and shelf space. They all revealed nothing but instant noodles. The fridge had very little as well. Milk, a few eggs and beer were its predominant occupants. Sighing, he took up the eggs and made quick work of them.

He walked over and smiled at the man who still lay sprawled on the floor. After much calling and shoulder shaking, he filled up a glass with water and dumped it onto the redhead. He was expecting anger but the eyes that searched the room were frightened. Renji kept muttering "I'm sorry" over and over until he noticed Shuuhei. "Oh…"

"That's all I get? An 'oh'? Were you expecting someone else?"

Renji blushed again as he realized why his friend was still over. He picked himself off the floor and followed the scent of food into the kitchen. "Oh, hey, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Huh?"

"Look at all this instant crap. Where's the health in this?"

"Ha, yeah well I normally sleep in or am at the office so I don't cook."

"Do you even know how to?" At the shaken head, he sighed. "Well I'll teach you because this garbage will kill you."

"Whatever you say, dear," he said sarcastically.__

Tell them I was happy  
And my heart is broken  
All my scars are open  
Tell them what I hoped would be  
Impossible, impossible  
Impossible, impossible  
Impossible, impossible  
Impossible, impossible!  
Ooh impossible (yeah yeah)

As the day ended, Renji ran towards his apartment, the promise of dinner cooked by his… _'Can I really call him mine? And if so, what is he? A friend?'_ He threw the door open and was immediately tackled to the floor. Shuuhei leaned over him, his legs straddling his "friend's waist.

"You're late."

"Ehh, sorry! I'm still trying to figure out the new squad. Now will you get off me?"

The elder male looked deep in thought as he stared down at the redhead. "What if I don't want to?"

Renji shivered and was about to reply when the weight lifted from him and Shuuhei walked away. "I made stirfry. I hope you don't mind and if you do I tie you up and shove it down your throat!"

"Well, glad to see you too!" he huffed. "So…"

"Yeah?"

"Naw it can wait. I'm starving."

The two ate in an awkward silence and drank when the plates had been cleared. "So you were saying earlier?"

"Oh… It's just that, m-maybe… Wouldyouliketostayoveragain?"

"Slow down, man. S-sure, I'll stay."__

I remember years ago  
Someone told me I should take  
Caution when it comes to love  
I did

Renji stepped out of the shower and toweled off. The night was going so difficultly. He had intended to ignore the feelings he felt towards his sempai, but as the days wore on, the other man was making that extremely impossible. _'But I just walked out on Byakuya. Can I really handle another relationship so soon? What if Byakuya tries to start something? Shit, this is hard.'_ He stepped into his room, or rather, tripped over his dirty clothes and landed on something firm and muscular and shirtless.

"Ahh! I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" The elder hung his arm over his face, his just visible mouth muttering "shit". "Where does it hurt?" Brown eyes locked with his but instead of calm or sad, these eyes were hungry. He followed the other's gaze and realized that in the fall, his towel had slipped open. That paired with the fact that he was not sitting on his comrade's stomach added fuel to the fire.

"Renji," the other breathed out. "Get out or I won't be able to stop."

"What do you-" He yelped as he was flipped roughly onto his back and his arms became pinned. A warm mouth descended onto his and he opened his own to allow access to the probing tongue. __

Tell them all I know now  
Shout it from the roof tops  
Write it on the sky line  
All we had is gone now

Renji writhed beneath Shuuhei as the latter traced his tattoos with teasing nips and playful strokes of his tongue. His hands ran down the redhead's sides and squeezed his rear, eliciting a deep moan from the one beneath him. He traced around soft nipples, suckling until they hardened. He followed his hands and paused to dip into the navel.

The younger man arched his back off the floor as the sinful mouth traveled lower. Warmth wrapped around him and it was all he could do not to thrust into that wetness. His hands scrabbled at the empty floor searching for something to hold onto. His cries grew in volumes until he nearly exploded but the cool air hit him hard as he was kissed again.

The mouth drew back, fingers slipping inside. It took all of the redhead's will power not to come at the sight of those wet digits. Said digits slipped beneath him and entered him one by one, stretching until he begged.

"Shh, relax." Shuuhei entered him gently, his eyes locked with the other's to see if there was pain. He began moving, his hands twisted in loose red hair. Tattooed arms circled his shoulders and held on for dear life. He couldn't help but groan as the trimmed nails clawed down his back. "Renji, I-"

"M-me too. I love you."__

Tell them I was happy  
And my heart is broken  
All my scars are open  
Tell them what I hoped would be  
Impossible, impossible  
Impossible, impossible  
Impossible, impossible  
Impossible, impossible

'I could get used to this' Shuuhei thought as he held a sleeping Renji in his arms. The weight of the night settled and he feared his friend's reaction in the morning. _"I love you."_ He wondered if it was only said in the heat of the moment or if the other could become his lover. His own feelings were clear to himself and he was sure that it had been made clear to Renji.

Tired brown eyes opened as he was running fingers through the red mane. "You awake?"

"Yeah… just thinking."

"Go to bed Shu…"

"Whatever you say, dear." He leaned over and kissed his lover's mouth passionately.

"Oh no. No more of that! Aren't you satisfied yet?"

"What, not up for round two?"

"I am but my back isn't. You screwed me through the floor!"

"Not yet, but I could if you'd like." A pillow came around and smacked him in the face, knocking off the bed. The laughter coming from the bed was unapologetic. "That's it, Abarai! You're in for it now!"__

I remember years ago  
Someone told me I should take  
Caution when it comes to love  
I did…

The two held hands as they walked from Renji's apartment to the ninth squad office. That morning, they had told Matsumoto first, and by noon, they were known officially. They figured that by tomorrow they'd be old news as there was always something new to gossip about. Most of their colleagues had no problem with their open relationship and accepted it on account for the love clear in the way they looked at the other.

From within the shadows, however, one person stood out of their senses. He glared at the men as they passed by oblivious. His cold grey eyes settled onto the dark-haired man, killing intent clear if one could see his eyes.

**Whooo! This chappie took FO-EVAH! Please Review if you took the time to read this! I'll love you if you do~o~**


End file.
